FEar Facing.
It is real! I have been doing a lot of fear facing lately. In fact, the past six months have proven to be a bit of a roller coaster. While in my mind I know that this is a normal part of stepping out into the unknown and preparing to do new things, in my body it can feel dark and scary out there.
I can do what feels normal and listen to the old stories that are there to protect me. After all, those stories served their purpose for many years…to keep me safe and in predictable patterns (even if the patterns were ugly and unhealthy). Those stories that creep in and tell you you can’t handle this, or ask “who are you to __________?”. Sound familiar? I know them. These stories do not serve me anymore. They were great protectors when I was a child, when I may have needed protection from overwhelming emotions or needed predictability in my life, but these stories also held me back from branching out to new things and ultimately from my authentic self.
My experience has been that no matter how much healing I do, fear can creep back in. I am learning that looking at those fears head on, acknowledging them, and asking them what they need or what their purpose is, is the best action for me. It reminds me of when my children express their fears of the scary monster in the closet. I could encourage them to ignore the monster, dismiss their fear and the messages their body is sending them. I could tell them that monsters are not real and send them off to bed. Well, dismissing my fears, feelings, or experience never landed me anywhere pleasant, at least not in the long-term. So, I ask them to befriend the monster, asking its name, or what its favorite colors are. It took me a while to realize that I could apply this to my own facing of fears.
Tara Brach, psychologist, meditation teacher, and author of Radical Compassion, offers a useful framework in her method called R.A.I.N. (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture). Through R.A.I.N, in the present moment (key here for me), I can walk through my fears and create new stories that do serve me in my current state (i.e., I am confident and capable with 20 damn years of useful life and clinical experience). I know the fears will pop back up occasionally, but for today, in this moment, I will go with the new stories. As I branch out and live my new stories, these experiences will reinforce them. So, here’s to getting comfortable and friendly with fear, and to providing space for this and many more new chapters.
